I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
