my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
