and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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