Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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