you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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