Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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