I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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