We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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