you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So much rum. So many feels.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
