Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
