He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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