Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize