I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just had sex bonerless
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
