I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
