My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
