How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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