I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
