i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
