"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
