new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
