so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
