I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
