how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
