had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
