you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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