Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
soo... how was my night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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