Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
