If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
