last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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