Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
