You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
