well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
