I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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