i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it hurts more in the daytime
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
