Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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