I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
