Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
honey bunches of taint.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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