I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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