I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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