my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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