he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
