I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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