I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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