I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
