need another drink. this is the easiest way
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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