i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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