Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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