But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize