I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
