This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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