Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
