yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize