I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My ATM looks so different sober.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
