so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
