I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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