Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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