my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I believe in your delicious
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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