what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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