The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
