I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
