I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my liver is dry heaving
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
