bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
