Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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