captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
