I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
