You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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