i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
