I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
