i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
